Caretaker’s corner: why do i have to come to therapy with my kid?

I began working with children when I opened my practice a little over a year ago. Since that time, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to be a “child therapist.” Throughout my time as a music therapist, I worked with many children, but serving as their primary psychotherapist is not something that was familiar to me.

One thing that I’ve taken note of since I started working with children/adolescents/teens is that, near the beginning of our work together, many of the parents that I have interacted with have expressed concern about why they are being asked to attend sessions either on their own or alongside their child. Many of these parents have expressed the worry that this request means that they have “messed up” as parents or that something MUST be wrong with them for me to want to pull them into sessions.

Here is the truth of the matter: in my opinion, parents should always be involved in their child’s treatment. This is because children do not grow up in a void. They are part of an intricate network of relationships that take place within their family home.

As a relationally-minded therapist, I believe in the great power that relationships have in our lives. As I reflect on my own experience as a child, there were many moments with my own parents that I can identify as having shaped who I am today. Some of those moments were indeed difficult. I think back and wish that those difficult moments could have been explored in the present rather than in the present with my therapist. In my view, it is a gift to give your children the opportunity to disagree, to be angry with you, and to share their concerns with you. It is also a gift to share moments of intimacy with your child and try to connect with them on a deeper level, which therapy encounters can facilitate inside and outside of the therapy room.

I come from a place as a therapist of believing that everyone is “good inside” (and highly recommend the book of the same name by Dr. Kennedy!) This is true for not just children, but for their parents as well. We are all trying our best at this being human thing and sometimes it is very challenging. It is never my intent to judge a parents’ approach to being with their child. Rather, I wish to observe the goings on between the parental-child unit and to convey my observations to you. I view myself as being an extra pair of eyes in the room—a neutral party who has the privilege of being part of your family unit int those therapy hours. After all, there is a reason why your family has sought therapy and I see my job as being a facilitator of the exploration of the WHY. My genuine hope is that we can come to the answers through our journey together.

It is my privilege to get to know you and your children. I hope to speak more to my approach to child therapy as time goes on. I’m sure I’ll always have more to share!

For now, I’m signing off.

Your Fellow Traveler,

Leah